


Touch

by Original_the_2nd



Category: Original Work
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Family, Love, Poetry, Self-Harm, love is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-31 04:16:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10891524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Original_the_2nd/pseuds/Original_the_2nd
Summary: Inspired by the lesson in my psychology class today that made me realize some things. It was a lesson on some of Freud's theories.





	Touch

My comfort comes in pain  
In the familiar  
As it is  
When one grows up  
In a family of selfish love. 

Only ever taken from  
Never given.  
Never got to give  
They robbed me blind  
Before I could. 

Now the only thing I know  
The only love I know  
Is being taken from  
Abused  
Ignored  
Hated.

Touch  
Was only ever taken.  
Not the sexual kind,  
Just any form of human contact,  
Physical or not.  
All of it was taken from me  
For the joy of the taker 

I washed away their tears  
I let them hug me  
When I wanted to be free,  
Nothing I could do,  
No matter how hard I fought  
It didn't matter. 

Only feeling contact  
When they wanted  
When they needed  
When they felt like it  
When they held me down and made me stay,  
Even if they didn't know  
How scared I was  
How weak I felt  
How much it changed me,  
Broke me.

All this  
While I cried alone  
When no hug warmed me   
After chilling truth or loss  
While I never felt a pat on the back  
While I never felt someone's hand in mine  
While I got bruises  
While I was left alone, ignored, abused

Now the only touch  
Of mind or body  
I know how to accept  
Is being taken from  
Used  
Hated  
Abused  
Ignored

I flinch from touch.  
Hugs are awkward and weird.  
A hand on my shoulder makes me want to run. 

Any touch  
Any comfort  
Any love  
Any romance  
Any care  
Feels strange to me.  
I get a wriggle in my stomach  
Restless feet  
Downward gaze  
Hug my arms  


Because comfort is strange, alien. 

I don’t know how to respond,

How to give,

How to accept. 

 

The first time my mother went to comfort my crying sister  
I tried to stop her.  
I told her that's not what you do.  
I didn't understand what she was doing.  
When someone cries,  
No matter how much you want to hug them,  
You stay in your room and cover your ears.  
Because anything else leads to yelling and pushing.  
Because when someone cries they're supposed to crawl in a corner and hide  
And try to be quiet  
Because anything else leads to being told off or yelled at or made light of or made fun of. 

Because love isn't touch  
Love isn't comfort  
Love isn't giving  
Love isn't kind words  
Love isn't helping,  
Love is being taken from,  
Because that's what it's always been.  
At least in this house.

**Author's Note:**

> (C) 2017 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED


End file.
